Thursday, June 14, 2018

C. N. Steele's 12 Rules for the FBI

Professor Jordan Peterson's "12 Rules for Life" seem to be all the rage these days; either people like them, or are enraged by them.  It all seems to be a bit esoteric to me -- so far as I can tell, Peterson's wisdom boils down to "be honest and pet cats, always maintaining good posture."  Apparently everyone else finds this to be cutting analysis of modern society and remarkably controversial.  I have nearly zero awareness of current culture, so I suppose I'm missing much.

But "we" at Unforeseen Contingencies never let ignorance stop us -- we always strive to be on the cutting edge, whether we know what that is or not.

Today the FBI IG released his report on FBI interference with the presidential election of 2016.  I've not yet read the 600+ page document, but I do know enough to be able to offer these

12 Rules for the FBI:

1. Stand up straight with your shoulders straight.  Quit slouching left.

2. Treat American citizens as if they were someone you were responsible for helping.

3. Befriend honest American citizens.  They actually love people who uphold the rule of law.  (You do uphold the rule of law, right?)

4. Compare yourself to Efrem Zimbalist Jr., not the useless person you are today, and strive to achieve his level of integrity and professionalism.

5. Stop committing your own crimes before you set out after others' crimes.

6. Do not do anything that makes honest citizens dislike you.

7. Pursue criminals, not political opponents.  Yes, I know you're Democrats, but that's no excuse.

8.  Tell the truth.  Or at least don't leak lies.

9. Don't assume every small inconsistency is a felony.

10. Quit lying.

11. Bother children when they are planning school shootings.

12.  Some cats should be shot, or at least arrested.

This is all somewhat humorous, given the appropriate definition of humor, but what has happened in Washington D.C. is not funny at all.

The FBI is a garbage organization, full of garbage people, so far as I can tell.  The FBI knew in advance of Fort Hood shooter Nidal Hassan,  they knew of Orlando murderer Omar Mateen well before his terrorist attack, they were twice warned aboter for actoanut [update 15/06: I think by this phrase I either meant "about" or "covfefe"] the Parkland shooter (Rule 11), they were warned that the brothers Tsarnaev were terrorists (Rule 12), they were warned about Al Qaeda operatives studying in American flight schools... and did nothing.  Thanks to such dereliction and incompetence, thousands of American citizens were murdered.  But at least they rescued Hilliary from prosecution, nearly tipped an American election in her favor, badgered General Flynn into confessing to having said things nearly as false as things McCabe and Comey have said, and almost pulled off a post-election coup.

Whether the FBI was ever the paragon of honest and just law enforcement that many of us imagined is beside the point; it's now obviously a corrupt and political bureaucracy.  There are very likely honest and courageous people in the FBI, but starting at the top and moving down, it's a swamp.  Draining the swamp should include abolishing it.  The U.S. needs a civilian counter-intelligence agency to track down foreign enemies, and perhaps a national crime lab and repository for crime statistics, but that's enough.  Criminal law enforcement is a matter for states.  Sheriffs have the entire country covered.  If we need LEOs who can cross state lines, we have U.S. Marshals and the Border Patrol.  We have Federal prosecutors.  That's enough.  The FBI is turning into KGB lite.  Abolish it.  Fire them.  (Rule 13.)

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