Monday, December 05, 2005

The Mystery of Alcohol -- Solved!

A newly released study suggests that drinking alcohol in less than excess is correlated with much lower risk of obesity. Moderate drinkers have a much lower rate of obesity than do teetotalers, heavy drinkers, and binge drinkers.

The researchers find this puzzling, especially with respect to teetotalers, since alcohol contains lots of calories. But there's no mystery...the Russians explain it well with the following story:

A group of Englishmen get together -- they go to a pub, drink pints of stout, throw darts, talk a bit, and eventually go home.

A group of Frenchmen get together -- they drink glasses of wine, eat some cheese, and discuss their mistresses. Eventually they go home.

A group of us Russians get together -- we drink vodka, punch each other a few times, pass out and fall under the table, eventually get up and go home.

A group of Arabs get together -- they set off some car bombs, hijack an airplane, and eventually strap dynamite to themselves and blow themselves up in shopping mall.

It just goes to show what a lack of alcohol will do to you.

The same lack of judgement that makes people fanatics with respect to alcohol (whether for or against) is the same lack of judgement that makes them fanatics with respect to food. I wouldn't argue that non-drinkers are necessarily unbalanced...but ceteris paribus, it is pretty suspicious behavior.

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